4:30 AM It was freezing cold on Friday night. I thought of us being idiots standing in the cold outside just for the want of a cancer stick. Friday night was the Beach Party event at Eve. I had plans to go with you and enjoy to the max while we both get drunk, and yes, I would've drank with you. I imagined walking in a jolly zigzag with you after Eve, to McD's right opposite the road, making a ruckus at the counter, wanting to order everything, just coz we were so farking hungry. I went to eat Hot Pot on Saturday night. It was good, but just tasted different without you. My atmosphere has become real dull, my expectations have been disappointed. I held on for so long, making sure I kept myself O.K., at a sane level. I was getting tired of holding on. and was happy you were coming, so I could rest for awhile.
But my rest time was stolen. (Yes, I shall burn down HSBC).
You are suppose to be here right now, next to me, so we can suddenly go "Eh babe, are you hungry? Do you wanna eat?", and then we can make our way to McD's or Supper Inn or wherever else is open at this unGodly hour. We were suppose to have long long nights of almost never-ending conversations and confession sessions, in which we would laugh like bitches, maybe cry, but definitely have a good time.
I am suppose to eat your cheesecake.
Supposedly, we would have gone to Sydney or to Earthcore, or maybe neither, and have a farking blast anyway. We were suppose to have countless nights of no sleep, going on our "Bubble" spree, like we used to a couple of years back, just for old time's sake.
We were suppose to update each other on the juicy gossip on everyone, including ourselves.
I am currently hating the word 'suppose'.
And, am currently missing you.
Anyway, these few days, I suddenly remembered what it feels like to have an issue with the ex. Ahh, the old 'case of the ex'. You know that feeling, when they keep something their ex has given them, or their ex keeps contacting them, or anything that relates to the ex that may be misunderstood (at times, as a result of paranoia) to be something more. It's that 'replacement' feeling, or 'rebound' feeling, that you are the unsignificant other. Haha, pity really. Then it made me wonder, who is the sad one here? Who is the most kesian? Because right, you obviously may think it's you at first la, I mean on surface level, that's what it seems right? But then, think properly first. Sure you may be the idiot who is with this dude/chic while he/she still misses or has feelings for his/her ex, but what about him/her? He/She can't let go man! And who knows? He/She may be stuck in a this rut for a long time. Not to mention being in denial all the while, and never being able to get his/her ex back. The need to direct their upside down feelings to another source, because they can't come to terms with it and handle it? Awww. (Note that this can only be understood if you are a person full of hate/anger/spite, or don't really have deep feelings for this person HAHAHA). If you're all loved up, you're reading from the wrong person man. Actually, maybe not. Have you heard of the words, 'FUCK CARE' ? LOL.
I can't wait to become an acrid thing this weekend. Get lost in the jungle, and away from it all. Yes my love, as you said, escape-ism. That's all we have at the moment to deal with things. It's my only way out.
Monday, November 24, 2008
