4:15 AM So I went to MOS last night. Pretty big club. High ceilings. Glass sky bridge. Fantastic for guys standing beneath it and for girls wearing skirts stupid enough to stand on it. Was there for a friend's birthday, but saw other friends there too.
And in my drunken stupor (well, not really drunk, more like tipsy stupor), I was cheerful and happy and talking alot, and I am one of those people who remembers every detail of the nights out that I have, including the ones where I fall asleep on my toilet floor, but that was another night. So all the little dramas, all the conversations, people crying, touchy-molesty guys, bad pick ups, yada yada yada, I remember them all.
But like I said, tipsy stupor. So I probably let out too much information, which resulted in me getting responses that were, well, at that time, required more justifications from me. However, this morning when I woke up, 100% sober, with conversations fresh in my memory, holy crap was I pissed.
Don't talk to me about disappointment. Don't talk to me about trust. You have no right. At all. Okay maybe you do, but just a little. DEFINITELY not as much as me. I remember trying to justify and explain my situation, then and now, and when I woke up this morning I don't even know why I tried. Coz you don't buy that shit. You never did! Yes, it is normal to wake up and remember and regret. That's what alcohol does to you. Alcohol is best friends with Truth, but Alcohol also sleeps with Regret, Anger, and Sadness. Apparently, because I made friends with Alcohol, Truth and Regret tagged along for the ride. And then Anger knocked on my door this morning. Sadness I don't know lah. Lost in the hutan somewhere maybe. Either that he's here, but just being quiet, that's why I can't hear him.
Okay so I'm the idiot. I do admit it was easier to move on after I got a confirmation from you for sure. Well, to slowly let go. I still haven't fully, but it takes time.
Maybe 'not enough' were the wrong words to use. Maybe I don't know what the words are. And maybe she has no right to say anything because she screwed up with long distance so many times. But she has a point. And you know it. That I can think of coming back? Er, okay. But you can't think of going there? Er, okay. And things happened so fast. You moved on so fast. She happened so fast. I mean, I'm not blaming you, but it did. That's why I said all I said yesterday. But again, maybe 'not enough' are not the words. So don't tell me otherwise, or prove otherwise, because there is nothing to prove. Things happened, and they are the way they are.
Maybe you can't comprehend words that are heard or read. So let me give you some numbers huh? You can do the math.
365 days + 1 kiss (or maybe more I don't know about) + an infinite number of women + an additional 730 days that carried on.
SO WHAT DOES THAT EQUAL TO?
I've said alot of 'Maybes'. I am a very angry person. So I went to swim. And then suddenly, I hate my swimming pool! Fark my memory man must I remember? I swam with a pissy mood I swear I was about to eat the other guy in the pool. Fuck swimming pools. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Girls, never go to pools with guys OK? It's a trap. You may think it's romantic and all, but it's not.
