1:57 AM I know I'm not suppose to be blogging at this time. I have an exam in 7 and a half hours! But I'm not feeling the best of myself lately...
I know what I've become, many years ago. I used to tell myself I hate what I've become, and what I've done. I still stick to that today. I still hate what I've become, and what I've done. I'm never happy.
Sometimes I feel that I'm not pretty enough, to take pictures or hang out with certain people. Sometimes I feel I'm not skinny enough, to wear certain clothes, or to look as good as others. Sometimes I feel I'm not rich enough, to buy certain things, or live up to other people's standards. Sometimes I feel I'm not smart enough, to be in certain conversations, or study certain things. Sometimes I feel I'm not good enough, to date certain people, or be certain people's friends. Sometimes I feel I just don't cut it, at all.
And I question, how come some people are so lucky? They don't only have one of the things above, they have ALL. They're hot, they're slim, they're filthy rich, they're farking smart, they've got bubbly and happy personalities, and they have good looking boyfriends, or boyfriends that love them to bits even though they may be bitchy. And what am I? None of the above, and no boyfriend.
So if being nice and being myself doesn't cut it, so who should I be to cut it? You know they always say the nice ones always win. IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT TO ME. It's like God gave them everything from birth. Did I do something wrong? Seriously? Maybe I use his name in vain too much. Have I broken all 10 commandments or something? What is it?
How am I suppose to pull through and work hard for everything, when all around me I see people who don't have to lift a finger, or even try just a little bit, and they have everything? How am I suppose to justify working for everything I want? And even when I'm working for it, I still don't get what I want! SO HOW IS IT FAIR?
I've suddenly become a world-hater, and am looking at it from a very pessimistic point of view.
I am with nothing. Nothing. And no one.
At the moment, I have nothing going for me. And it's been like that for awhile, and it looks like it's gonna be like that for a long time.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
