11:19 PM
There has only ever been one person who knew how to strike a balance between giving me attention and leaving me alone.
Thursday, December 15, 2011

_______________________
12:40 PM
Great. I'm stuck in a life where I refuse to get out of my car every morning after I've parked, as every minute I deduct from going into the office is a luxury to me. I also have a boyfriend who is struggling very hard to grow up, and my so-called "friends" - well, enough said.

Life is great - And the people I can talk to are either fucked in the head right now, got their own things going on in their lives, or going through a mid-life crisis.

Solution? Don't talk.
Saturday, May 21, 2011

_______________________
9:11 PM
I can't believe it's been almost a year. For those of you who have hoped for my death, I'm sorry to disappoint you. It's going to take more than your evil wishes for me to die.

I feel I expect too much of my friends sometimes. Jess, you really set the bar quite high.

Those who follow their minds will never be happy. I actually am only beginning to experience that recently, that following your heart sometimes (not long term) is not too bad. Quite the contrary! It's actually quite nice sometimes not to have to think, and just do it. It doesn't really end up all that bad, as long as you stay within the lines, which I thought would be difficult.

Geez, Citroen Metropolis. Better than sex.

Why am I still here?

Because soon I will be going around looking for that ridiculously expensive and unnecessary but to-die-for beautiful Christopher Chronis'/Wayne Cooper's with a light-hearted companion to make it a light-hearted outing, to remind me that life has it's light hearted moments.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010

_______________________
10:52 PM
Spring is here, and so is my annual hayfever. Well, I suppose that beats swine flu.

I don't really know what to make of life now; it just...is. And I'm okay with that.
Yesterday I learned that no matter how independant and solitary one may be, company will be needed at one point. After all, no one man is an island. And company can indeed be good.

Although I won't deny the fact that this is the loneliest I've ever felt. Aiya, I know. So emo right?

But, I am not always lonely alone. So it doesn't suck so bad all the time.

I really want my Burton Lux but it's such a sin. Sigh. Now I wished I swapped one of my bags for it.

I am so on for some cornflake cookies tomorrow (: After my gung-ho feast of chicken rice, laksa, chee cheong fun, and pineapple tarts last night. I am 2-4 kilos away from ideal, but ah, worry bout that next week first la. I want to have a good weekend.

Babe, I'm so proud of you on your bonus! Congratulations! And I really do hope you get the push to Singapore. Glad to hear you are doing so well (:

Ying, my dear, as I said today I am very proud of you. You have surprised me and proved me very wrong. Guess you have the last laugh ya? Hehe. Really respect you for doing what you do, which I know there's no way in hell I'd do in my entire career. I will not be ballsy enough man. Not into sales at all, let alone those kind of sales.

To Shawn, congratulations on getting your job! I'm really glad it has gotten your mood up (with help from some Body Attack huh?). Way to go!

Sigh, I feel that I'm getting so left behind. Everyone's moving on and I'm like, here. It's like God kinda forgot about me...Funny I never forget about Him.

And zOMG, Chinese nationals, seriously la, don't spoil our reputation. If someone mistakes me for a Chinese from China, I will be attacked! You chibais keep your shit to yourselves k? To attackers, please learn how to differentiate between us South-East Asian Chinese to the Nationals. A good starting point will be their dress sense.

Early night for some cookies tomorrow!
Thursday, September 10, 2009

_______________________
7:38 AM
Greetings my kermit Gemini! I am reporting from mt beauty! I am at the exact same area we stopped at on the way down from falls creek coz ur spastic driving skills made everyone naeseous. Ok I don't know if I spelt that right. I'm having one of those moments where words don't look familiar.
Yes we are making our way up falls creek for the weekend. The last time I was up here was with u. And I really hate the cold. I actually forgot how cold it could get up here. Now I'm thinking to myself, "why the hell did I decide to come up here anyway?!". The weather is mad. It's so cold even in the city.. Here it's just like...u can't feel ur ass cold. I don't know how people survive new York or London.. Or even better, Canada! Think about -40 degrees.
Anyway continuing with the bus ride! Update ya later!
Friday, July 24, 2009

_______________________
10:36 PM
My dear Gemini (you know who you are. The other Gemini flew over the ocean and is in the same room as me right now). If you're still lost, your last call was regarding being a Twit LOL. Anyway you said you'd call huh?! Asking about my promiscous (hardly) and scandalous life at the moment. And of course, I want to know about yours!
Well, I am currently at a potluck dinner (which I really hate coz it just publicly announces that I can't cook). I mean, I already dunno how to cook, why must let people know one meh? Chibai. Haha. I bet your life is going on alot better than mine. Well it better be you moron coz then at least one of us is enjoying life right now. And there's a chance I might come back or go to Beijing, coz I've been applying alot but, ah well, terrible luck. And eh I tell u first ah, you better be my friend when I go back coz I really got no friends if I go back.
Hiya gotta get back to the audience here la. Later people say I'm anti social or some shit. Zzzzzzzz. Bye and love you.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009

_______________________
7:02 AM
It is with great pain that I journeyed home in the blistering cold of 6 degrees this evening. I was in more pain while brushing my teeth about 2 mins ago as the water was bitingly cold. It is currently 4 degrees outside and I can't feel my fingers or toes. I have been eating canned soup and instant noodles daily..trying to live the hobo life, or at least something close to it.

To my dear Geminis, as you know I love you both very much. Sadly, God chose for you both to not be by my side. I have also realised, (as I'm sure you already know), that I am terrible at maintaining relationships with geographical boundaries. Hence, I have subjected to blog updates through a phone application. Might as well make full use of this useless phone. I will be upgrading to a blackberry, hopefully I will be able to persuade u both to get one and we can be on bb!
Anyway, this is my horrendous attempt at trying to stay close to you both as I have failed to do so in the past, (mind you, miserably), yet you still bothered. I love you both dearly, you know who you are.

P/S: It is required that you read all material posted here, no matter how irrelevant or time-wasting it may be. That is an order that must be obeyed, because of the sole reason that you both love me. Don't deny it!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009

_______________________
1:16 AM
Hmm a test from my iPhone. Just a convenience for my Gemini readers. (:
Friday, July 3, 2009

_______________________
12:35 PM
Satisfaction, is never guaranteed.

Except! When it comes to food. (That is, for me). Paid a visit to Nobu last week. And Oh, mygod! Crazy ass starters. I could just eat the starters for the whole meal. Wait, no I can't. I gotta have the Cod.

Well, back to satisfaction. Ever satisfied? Not me. Not with myself. And apparently others aren't too. I mean, not satisfied with me. Say no more? Rawr.

I have been so totally-awesomely-stupidly GaGa-fied last night. So GaGa-ed! GaGa-Doll'ed!

I don't enjoy being unproductive. I don't enjoy feeling useless. I don't enjoy not getting a salary. What I do enjoy is having a shitload of fun. Going out to play like some rabid dog. My youth is slipping away so fast.

People always talk. "ohyoucantdatehimhesgoneoutwith2ofyourfriends!"....that was ages ago and I'm not even close to one of them...."ohnothim...hestooyoung!". Oh my God la, I will die wei always making decisions based on what people say. I care too much. I am way too conscious. Rawr.

But maybe, maybe! I just wanna have some fun. FUN! Aiya, maybe I'm just deprived of sex. Damn. Fark care la.

You bloody Ad-man from another continent. I miss you like hell. Will call soon I promise. So quit complaining that I don't call! My turn this month :D


Thursday, May 28, 2009

_______________________
4:12 AM
So it's a new year, and new me? Nope, don't think so.

I am stuck in that "transition", the one people get into after graduating, before work. It's like I'm so unsure where to go, what to do, how to set my priorities, what to base them on, and so on. I feel like a sorhem. Apparently, this is very common among new graduates, so I've been told. After applying for my P.R., I will be dead broke. And given that I already felt like shit whenever I asked Daddy for money while I was still a student, it is totally unjustifiable now. And I just refuse to. I obviously may not survive without a little help, but as usual, the extremely proud me will try to resist from asking him for money. I do not like to be dependant on anyone, even if that person is my father. But what choice do I have?

I am nowhere near where I want to be, in my life, my career (or lack thereof?), my weight, geographically perhaps, my love life. I have almost no friends, no real friends. The numbers are getting lower from the already low. I mean who can you trust really? This has got to be the loneliest shithole that's ever been made. But you know, my name was spelt wrong on the tombstone. Guuh-reeeaat. Oh Lord, the list may go on. A new year. I knew that this year would be challenging, but I didn't expect this.

I am desperate for a job. I have gone through preparing my resume, and boy does it look like the most unimpressive shit ever. I am even thinking of applying in Sydney. Apparently the market there is bigger so more jobs are available. What is wrong with me? I don't even like Sydney!

So I came home from a depressing shopping trip, and then I had a conversation with a dear friend, watched my brother 'pou' Resident Evil 5, and walked upstairs and downstairs every now and then giggling inside, thinking, "Chibai this Dorothy and Jenn, fark so long meh?! Farking alot of energy! HAHAHA". Then I had a thought. While I sat watching Chris and Sheva blast through the many leech-like thingies, I looked at Tobey sleeping on my lap. And I enjoyed it. The finer things in life. The FINER things in life. Remember it. These are the few thin strings keeping me alive. The number of strings seem to be getting lesser and lesser. I feel like locking myself up in my four walls, away from the world. I want to run. From everything that I know. It sounds so tempting...hmm.

I asked a friend today...

"If I were to suddenly pack my bags and leave without telling you, and you have no way of contacting me, will you still be my friend?"

"No man, sorry."


How come people believe I can make it, but I don't believe I can?

80% realistic, 20% dream. Ahh fuck that. Thank you Angus.
Thursday, March 19, 2009

_______________________
9:52 AM
You know I always told myself, never take/use other people's money if you can help it. Or never allow people to do you a big favour if you can help it. Because sometimes, after the help is given, it's like they own your ass, or you owe them your life. Suddenly, some choices you make in your life have to accomodate them. Even if they don't think so at the moment, or they say it's okay, it never is. Personally, obligation will set in for me. And even if I try to pull it off, sooner or later, your 'friends' will start talking shit behind your back.

Yes, I admit I'm proud. Sometimes cocky, but even if I am I try to make it subtle. But being proud also means I am aware of other proud people. ESPECIALLY those who are super cocky and blow their cockiness in your face. And I HATE it. At times, they make you feel dependant on them, like as if you can't live without them. Well, I have two words for you guys. Fuck Off. Yes, I am also aware that my pride will not do me good at times, but I also know that it will come in handy on and off. I do not like to be looked down upon, or being made to feel dependant. So don't push my wrong buttons. Because your vulnerability will be your wrong buttons, and I swear I will push them if you make me.

So now, I'm stuck. I mean seriously, what choice do I have? Just do what they say and get on with it. And in about a weeks time, I will disappear. Because I'm just not bothered anymore. Just give everything back to everyone, and that's it. Finito.
Thursday, December 4, 2008

_______________________
2:44 PM
And yes it is! Off to Earthcore once again for the very last time!

I shall send my regards from the bush, if I am able.

Able? Able...Able.

Able schmable.

Booya! Bye byeable.
Saturday, November 29, 2008

_______________________
9:10 AM
Monday's breakfast: Tuna mayo with water biscuits



Tuesday's breakfast: Cheese omelette with a side of tomato and herbs and alfalfa sprinkled with lemon juice and tabasco sauce. Tuna mayo with biscuits as well.


Today's breakfast: Biscuits spread with margarine, complimented with chedder cheese on top, garnished with Japanese mayo. (Yes, I have ran out of food already. At least, options for breakfast anyway)

I have been waking up in the 6/7/8th hour of the morning, feeling starved like a mountain lion. Today's breakfast was very small (in portion) and required very little preparation compared to the other two, but was still good shit. Maybe I should make a recipe book that has recipes for cheap and lazy people who can't be bothered to go out and get food, so they find whatever they can at home that they think would blend well together. So far, it's been tasting pretty good! Then again, I am DBKL (for those of you not from KL, that's in Malaysia, DBKL stands for Dewan Bandaraya Kuala Lumpur, and it is the state's divison that is responsible for cleanliness, so yes, they clear rubbish bins and what not). What I'm trying to say is, I eat almost everything and anything. I remember at the Lim's one time, I came over starved like a mountain lion, and saw an uncleared bowl of what smelt to be leftover tomyum soup on the dining table. I have no idea how long it's been there, but I smelt it and it smelt alright, so I proceeded to drink some. Yes, cold. Poh Lin came out of the room horrified. Apparently, it's been sitting there for 5 hours. Dude, I was hungry! And it wasn't spoilt what! I am too lazy to heat up food sometimes, I'd just eat it cold. Most of the time I can't really tell if something has gone off, unless it tastes really obvious la. That particular house always has food lying around somewhere. Few weeks ago I ate a cake that was left out there overnight, and against my better conscience (come on, I'm not that stupid. It's a cake for God's sake!), I ate it, and obviously my alcohol face came on. It was sour. Hey! I was hungry! And that was Brunetti's Black Forest cake! The best shit! I love that cake. The mini ones that they make for eat-in just doesn't cut it. And it's not those cheap ass Black Forest cakes in KL okay, the one with the 'fake' cherries (even though I actually like those too), it's 'real', rich Black Forest.






Scrumptious. Wonder when I'll get to eat it again.

Just 'cause I'm on the topic of cakes and still hungry, Greco's mudcake is also to die for. And I miss Alexis' Tiramisu. Maybe I should start baking again. Yummm.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008

_______________________
4:30 AM
It was freezing cold on Friday night. I thought of us being idiots standing in the cold outside just for the want of a cancer stick.
Friday night was the Beach Party event at Eve. I had plans to go with you and enjoy to the max while we both get drunk, and yes, I would've drank with you. I imagined walking in a jolly zigzag with you after Eve, to McD's right opposite the road, making a ruckus at the counter, wanting to order everything, just coz we were so farking hungry.
I went to eat Hot Pot on Saturday night. It was good, but just tasted different without you.
My atmosphere has become real dull, my expectations have been disappointed.
I held on for so long, making sure I kept myself O.K., at a sane level.
I was getting tired of holding on. and was happy you were coming, so I could rest for awhile.

But my rest time was stolen. (Yes, I shall burn down HSBC).

You are suppose to be here right now, next to me, so we can suddenly go "Eh babe, are you hungry? Do you wanna eat?", and then we can make our way to McD's or Supper Inn or wherever else is open at this unGodly hour.
We were suppose to have long long nights of almost never-ending conversations and confession sessions, in which we would laugh like bitches, maybe cry, but definitely have a good time.

I am suppose to eat your cheesecake.

Supposedly, we would have gone to Sydney or to Earthcore, or maybe neither, and have a farking blast anyway. We were suppose to have countless nights of no sleep, going on our "Bubble" spree, like we used to a couple of years back, just for old time's sake.

We were suppose to update each other on the juicy gossip on everyone, including ourselves.

I am currently hating the word 'suppose'.

And, am currently missing you.

Anyway, these few days, I suddenly remembered what it feels like to have an issue with the ex. Ahh, the old 'case of the ex'. You know that feeling, when they keep something their ex has given them, or their ex keeps contacting them, or anything that relates to the ex that may be misunderstood (at times, as a result of paranoia) to be something more. It's that 'replacement' feeling, or 'rebound' feeling, that you are the unsignificant other. Haha, pity really. Then it made me wonder, who is the sad one here? Who is the most kesian? Because right, you obviously may think it's you at first la, I mean on surface level, that's what it seems right? But then, think properly first. Sure you may be the idiot who is with this dude/chic while he/she still misses or has feelings for his/her ex, but what about him/her? He/She can't let go man! And who knows? He/She may be stuck in a this rut for a long time. Not to mention being in denial all the while, and never being able to get his/her ex back. The need to direct their upside down feelings to another source, because they can't come to terms with it and handle it? Awww. (Note that this can only be understood if you are a person full of hate/anger/spite, or don't really have deep feelings for this person HAHAHA). If you're all loved up, you're reading from the wrong person man. Actually, maybe not. Have you heard of the words, 'FUCK CARE' ? LOL.

I can't wait to become an acrid thing this weekend. Get lost in the jungle, and away from it all. Yes my love, as you said, escape-ism. That's all we have at the moment to deal with things. It's my only way out.
Monday, November 24, 2008

_______________________
8:50 AM
It's amazing, the lies people tell you to get in your pants.

I don't know what it is about this time of the year that brings out all the emo-nemoness in me. I remember this time last year I was in the shits-nits as well. And to top it all off, my babe isn't coming to Melbourne anymore. Just when I needed you the most O.M.G.! Yes, we are both crashing real fast, and it hasn't even been a year since I last saw you! Remember that time you left to go to Perth? And look what happened! And what about now? Haha, don't even know where to begin right...

And what is the deal with younger guys? Okay, I often forget that he is younger. Three years, to be exact. Because of all the laughter and fun, and seriously good company. Is it wrong that we have chemistry? But since it became noticable, I have been drowning in "no-no" advice from almost everyone. There are days where I go, "Oh my God what am I thinking wei!", and there are others, "Aiya, fark care everyone lah. Just go for it!". HAHAHAHAHA I feel like im in some O.C. drama or some shit.

Uni is finally over. Unsure of whether it's a good or bad thing. The first two days after my last assignment, I took my usual 16 hr dead-to-the-world sleep that I usually take after exams. And after I was fresh, I had that whole "YAYIMDONEWITHUNI" light all around with me, you know, the whole let's-go-out-and-have-some-smashing-fun attitude. Funnily enough, this attitude only lasted 2 days, and then I was bored out of my mind! So now I have resorted to WoW, which of course, has expectedly screwed up my sleeping hours, big time.

Babe, you do know that since you're not coming down, you have to make up for it right...I will seriously take up your offer to go to the States. Been looking for kaki to go adi. And yes, do come to KL when I'm down. These 8 months or so without you have been torturous, and I am about to implode. Now how am I suppose to go through these next few weeks and months before I head back? Sigh, you were right. This is about the time I really need you, and about the time you really needed that trip here right? Now I am alone, and will be, like I have been for the last 8 months.

I can't believe my kidneys failed me at 7 a.m. and I had to rush to the toilet half awake, and when I went back to bed, I was wide awake! Well, I did wake up at 7 p.m. the previous night. Usually when my body is shut down and asleep, I don't feel the need to pee. But the many litres of water I drank last night didn't help. Must've been that salty, salty dinner. Feeling my hunger pangs from last night, I proceeded to whip up a big breakfast for myself whoopee :D

- Sundried tomato and basil sausages, spinach, cherry tomatoes with herbs, and some garlic bread (unfortunately, I didn't know we ran outta eggs)

Something Brad's friend (I forgot his name. Dan?) said that day about Asians when we were all out for dinner really cracked me up.

"You know what's the worse thing I can't stand about Asians? They like to take photos of their food and post it on Facebook."

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Poor Brad. At least that particular comment wasn't ammo directed at you. Actually, it probably was the only one not directed at you LOL.

Omg. I just realised. I'm the rebound girl. Haha. I gotta get out of this spiral of shitty past relationships and get into one where I feel happy. Urgh, young blood. Eh eh! Chemistry! There's chemistry!

Kalau saya akan berada di Melbourne pada hujung tahun ini, nampaknya saya akan pergi ke Sensasi: Putih. Amboi, boleh pakai baju warna putih ni!

Omg times are so bad now, I'm never gonna get a job. I'll be in Brokebitch mountain.



Monday, November 17, 2008

_______________________
1:14 AM
Be careful who you trust. Okay okay I know I'm being damn cheong hei about the trust issues thing. But seriously, the people you thought you could trust, think again! Those close to you, ohmygawt. Especially those who seem, look, and act harmless, like they're your fairy friend from Neverneverland or some shit. Yea, shit. BULLshit.

That's what I love about being informed. About knowing. Because when you ask that person, and they deny, you just go "Oh okay." and they just lied to your face. But of course you keep quiet, and in future, you know not to trust them, coz they fucking lie. I'm not talking about lying about who ate the last piece of cake, or who did the laundry and made every piece of clothing pink, I'm talking about Lies. With a capital L. Those that will have some sort of detrimental effect on you.

And some people just can't be farking happy for others. Spiteful shits. It's like hey, I'm unhappy, so you can't be happy either. Selfish bastards.

Yes, I am being a very grumpy lady now. Manipulating selfish people. Farking all the same one (Not everyone in the whole wide world la, just this one particular group of people). Using all kinds of tactics like what emotional blackmail la, psychological threats la, yada yada. Make you think this or think that, farking twist words like shit. And people like me are stupid enough to fall for it la. That's why I'm spiteful!

Anyway, Happy Birthday Babe! Yay your 21, and yes you still look 12! Had a fantastic time with you this evening, hope there will be many more to come! Love you loads. AND YES, I GOT A HUG. WHEE. Yum, that fried eggplant thing. GorGeous!

Oh my God I'm so farking hungry la but damn lazy to go Coles coz it's so late now, and there's nothing to eat at home and I'm malas to go out and buy food also. Grrr. Okay I'm just gonna jump in the shower to release some frustration and go to bed.

Eh, eh. Fark you. Just fark you.


Wednesday, October 22, 2008

_______________________
7:46 PM
I think the people who are actually interested in me or think I'm O.K. looking are bloody spastic. Because these are the people who usually see me at clubs. For those who are my friends and pay me compliments, I thank you. But seriously, I keep reminding them, it's a club man. Who the fark don't look hot in clubs? First of all, everyone's dressed up and made up. Hey, it gives people a reason to go all out to look good in order to impress. Secondly, it's so farking dark in a club, someone who's not that good looking will also look dam hot la right? Unless they're farking ugly la, then sorry man, make up and no lights, not gonna help. Lastly, you're probably too intoxicated with alcohol to even tell whether someone is really hot or not. To you, most of the people at the club are hot, after a couple of drinks.

So, if someone does pay me a compliment at a club, I feel flattered, and thank you. But I know deep down, it doesn't really mean much la. Because of the reasons above, PLUS, these people haven't seen me in broad daylight, without make up, say, after gym or whatever, and they haven't seen my morning face. Man, even I wanna slap my morning face. Yeap, I don't have all that Au Naturel beauty or whatever. The only thing natural about me is not-so-great skin, blemishes, pimples here and there, and YES, my dark circles are attrocious. That's some pretty farking natural dark circles wei. The body abuse due to lack of sleep and going to bed at the wrong times during my younger years have taken it's toll. And I'm only 21! My body and my skin feels like I'm 30 or some shit.

I walked passed Howard that day in the city, after leaving the gym, and waved. HAHAHA. He was like "Fuck! I almost didn't recognise you! You look so pale!"......To which I replied, YesyesThisIsWhatILookLikeWithoutMakeUp, AndIt'sBroadDaylight. GoAheadAndLaugh.

And he did. LOL.

On to the subject of trust, you know it's never safe to trust someone with some things no matter how much they assure you that it's never gonna get out. It will. Trust me (haha). It's just a matter of time. 5 years, 10 years, 2-3 months? Whatever. It'll come out. During confession sessions, under the influence of alcohol/drugs, being emo-nemo, out of spite, whenever lah. It'll come out one man. Sure one.

And that's when the shit hits the fan. People always make a common mistake that since it was so long ago, it's okay to tell. That's probably true for most things, but not all. There are just some things that will always be lum-pet-si (soft shit, diarrhoea). It'll never go hard. And that stupid fan just never spoils/have a power outage/run outta batteries. I think the only person I know who can really keep a secret is my dad. My mum always told me, "Your father ah, he can know something and take it to his grave. It'll never come out."

This is when you've given it alot of thought. But sometimes, it's already too late. You only think about this issue AFTER you've let the secret out, or after trusting someone. Bloody stupid right. Just do it. Don't think. Some motto. My 2008 motto. Which is slowly sending me to hell.

I've been told that I'm fussy when it comes to guys. Too many principles, rules, or issues. That I'll always find some reason not to go for it. I do agree. I am. So yea la, my problem. I suppose I'll just grow old and die alone haha. I want a happy relationship! Full of fun! Laughter! Stupidity! Sarcasm! Full of spastic shit! HAHAHHA...like really ALIVE. Don't know if I'm making any sense. I just realise most of my past relationships had some spastic problem or something wrong with it. Haha, that is one sad and pathetic history for me.

Alright. Back to chasing my impossible dream.
Sunday, October 12, 2008

_______________________
11:34 PM
So, after many "snuffleluffagus's" and "steady-steady-bom-pi-pi's" later, I am finally back in the land down under. Can't say I'm disappointed, or happy either. It just feels like..."nehhh". (A very extended one)

I am home on a Friday night. Eh, don't give me that look can? I'm not so happening like you lah. I got notebooks to fill, shit to read, and houses to bomb. Somemore my face damn chan dy...Look like those pasar lady. Eh, don't play play. That time I saw one 'mai choi poh' her skin damn nice, not bad looking also. You must be thinking "this chibai cha bo wth looking at pasar lady.."

Alcomohol. Uuuuuuu...

KL was fantabulous as usual. Apart from one particular night where my skills were used against me. Too much Ring of Fire..no good. Makes me point my destination arrows to the toilet bowl, and then leads me to depend on my trustee Kalpana to drive home, while I doze off unknowingly quickly, with my mouth WAAAID open. And then as we make our (or my) difficult journey up the many steps to the bedrooms, my foot miscues. Ouch. And then banging my head on the hidden platform. I swear Kalpana is conspiring against me. She was Kalpanahahaha-ing all night, and the next day threatened me... "I've got shit on you now!". Damn cha dou. Babe, you suck lah.

Chibai.

Wah KL's tuft-teh shit is dam good man. I can swear there'll be more to come for me. YEA PEI YAU.

I want some u-hu-hu cheese cupcakes.
Then some sex.
Then more cupcakes? Or should I have the cupcakes after?
Bzzzt. What's the point. Fark wei I'm dam sad wei. I feel like that old lady in Will Smith's Hitch at the dating game thingie. If you remember, laugh. If you don't remember, don't go digging through your DVD collection and then spend the next half an hour or so choosing chapters or clicking the forward/rewind buttons. Coz then I'll be contemplating who's sadder.

Tobey being damn fucker again. Sometimes I wanna chop his kuku off.
Friday, August 1, 2008

_______________________
4:15 AM
So I went to MOS last night. Pretty big club. High ceilings. Glass sky bridge. Fantastic for guys standing beneath it and for girls wearing skirts stupid enough to stand on it. Was there for a friend's birthday, but saw other friends there too.

And in my drunken stupor (well, not really drunk, more like tipsy stupor), I was cheerful and happy and talking alot, and I am one of those people who remembers every detail of the nights out that I have, including the ones where I fall asleep on my toilet floor, but that was another night. So all the little dramas, all the conversations, people crying, touchy-molesty guys, bad pick ups, yada yada yada, I remember them all.

But like I said, tipsy stupor. So I probably let out too much information, which resulted in me getting responses that were, well, at that time, required more justifications from me. However, this morning when I woke up, 100% sober, with conversations fresh in my memory, holy crap was I pissed.

Don't talk to me about disappointment. Don't talk to me about trust. You have no right. At all. Okay maybe you do, but just a little. DEFINITELY not as much as me. I remember trying to justify and explain my situation, then and now, and when I woke up this morning I don't even know why I tried. Coz you don't buy that shit. You never did! Yes, it is normal to wake up and remember and regret. That's what alcohol does to you. Alcohol is best friends with Truth, but Alcohol also sleeps with Regret, Anger, and Sadness. Apparently, because I made friends with Alcohol, Truth and Regret tagged along for the ride. And then Anger knocked on my door this morning. Sadness I don't know lah. Lost in the hutan somewhere maybe. Either that he's here, but just being quiet, that's why I can't hear him.

Okay so I'm the idiot. I do admit it was easier to move on after I got a confirmation from you for sure. Well, to slowly let go. I still haven't fully, but it takes time.

Maybe 'not enough' were the wrong words to use. Maybe I don't know what the words are. And maybe she has no right to say anything because she screwed up with long distance so many times. But she has a point. And you know it. That I can think of coming back? Er, okay. But you can't think of going there? Er, okay. And things happened so fast. You moved on so fast. She happened so fast. I mean, I'm not blaming you, but it did. That's why I said all I said yesterday. But again, maybe 'not enough' are not the words. So don't tell me otherwise, or prove otherwise, because there is nothing to prove. Things happened, and they are the way they are.

Maybe you can't comprehend words that are heard or read. So let me give you some numbers huh? You can do the math.

365 days + 1 kiss (or maybe more I don't know about) + an infinite number of women + an additional 730 days that carried on.

SO WHAT DOES THAT EQUAL TO?

I've said alot of 'Maybes'. I am a very angry person. So I went to swim. And then suddenly, I hate my swimming pool! Fark my memory man must I remember? I swam with a pissy mood I swear I was about to eat the other guy in the pool. Fuck swimming pools. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Girls, never go to pools with guys OK? It's a trap. You may think it's romantic and all, but it's not.

Everything's a trap.
Monday, July 7, 2008

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1:57 AM
I know I'm not suppose to be blogging at this time. I have an exam in 7 and a half hours! But I'm not feeling the best of myself lately...

I know what I've become, many years ago. I used to tell myself I hate what I've become, and what I've done. I still stick to that today. I still hate what I've become, and what I've done. I'm never happy.

Sometimes I feel that I'm not pretty enough, to take pictures or hang out with certain people.
Sometimes I feel I'm not skinny enough, to wear certain clothes, or to look as good as others.
Sometimes I feel I'm not rich enough, to buy certain things, or live up to other people's standards.
Sometimes I feel I'm not smart enough, to be in certain conversations, or study certain things.
Sometimes I feel I'm not good enough, to date certain people, or be certain people's friends.
Sometimes I feel I just don't cut it, at all.

And I question, how come some people are so lucky? They don't only have one of the things above, they have ALL. They're hot, they're slim, they're filthy rich, they're farking smart, they've got bubbly and happy personalities, and they have good looking boyfriends, or boyfriends that love them to bits even though they may be bitchy. And what am I? None of the above, and no boyfriend.

So if being nice and being myself doesn't cut it, so who should I be to cut it? You know they always say the nice ones always win. IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT TO ME. It's like God gave them everything from birth. Did I do something wrong? Seriously? Maybe I use his name in vain too much. Have I broken all 10 commandments or something? What is it?

How am I suppose to pull through and work hard for everything, when all around me I see people who don't have to lift a finger, or even try just a little bit, and they have everything? How am I suppose to justify working for everything I want? And even when I'm working for it, I still don't get what I want! SO HOW IS IT FAIR?

I've suddenly become a world-hater, and am looking at it from a very pessimistic point of view.

I am with nothing. Nothing. And no one.

At the moment, I have nothing going for me. And it's been like that for awhile, and it looks like it's gonna be like that for a long time.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008

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9:04 PM
Could it be that maybe it's our first mistake
And Baby that's alright
It's crazy how we lost ourselves tonight
There's a reason why they say that we should give it time
But time is not enough
And that's the reason why
When you're young you fall in love.

I'm almost there. Almost. End of semester. Please hurry up. Pimples, please go away. Body, please lose more weight. HAHAHA.

I hate June. Or maybe love? It has too many birthdays. Some of which I hate Lol! I hate Geminis, I really do. But for some reason, God surrounds me with them. It's like I can't escape!

The last trip to Seven was somewhat disappointing. My two eye candies were there, but sigh, found out on the night itself that the cuter one was attached. The other one, every 15 minutes I turn to look, he's with a different girl. Dayum! Curse those players. Hiya, why the market like that. Girls definitely outnumber guys. So guys have a wider variety of choice, and us girls...sad la. Then again, they're just eye candies.

Can't wait for Armin. Yes, Armin. In the midst of my exams, but it's ARMIN. I missed his 'white party' last year, which I SO regret. Hopefully, this one will be a blast, coz it's Armin Only. And the DVD will be recorded here in Melbourne, so they'll probably make it spectacular. An unforgettable experience. As much as Tiesto was, I hope! This is those once in a blue moon thingies. I'm gonna be so wasted, and not have a care in the world. Just for those 13 hours, go all out man. How often do I lose myself anymore anyway. Getting too old to do it often. So the rare chances I get, I shall seize the moments! Har har. I'm talking like some pei yau wei. Aiya fark it la, I don't care. I am what, I'm an old, once-in-a-while pei yau.

I'm really dying for a Ramly burger, and the chee cheong kai (Petaling Street) ngar pou lou shu fun (Claypot rat-tail {teardrop?} noodles). Nothing beats food from home.


Thursday, May 29, 2008

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4:59 AM
I'm very tired. Very exhausted. I don't want to think. Although that doesn't change the fact that I do think.

It doesn't stop haunting me. At all. Today there was a conversation between my bro and Mishiao about this issue. Why is God reminding me in so many ways? Everyday? It's bad enough that He knows I want to just let it go. Yet he always makes opportunities for me to choose my pride, or throw it away. And I threw it away. AGAIN. Please la, let me keep whatever shred of dignity I have left. Seriously. You know I'm proud, yet you always create these temptations to test my principals. And then suddenly, I succumb to it.

I asked to let me let go easily. But you don't make it easy.

Allow me to start accepting la please. Don't give it a loooong absence, and then bring it to remind and haunt me again, to let me start thinking. Just as I was beginning to get used to it, there you go and pull a stunt. God, you are dam evil lo. Are you getting bored up there in Heaven?

At first I was unable to decide. Then I was like, OK, fark this. Then now, I'm back at square one again. Dude, as much as I have faith in You, man you really work in mysterious ways. So mysterious in fact, that sometimes I just want to chop you. Either that or you just really dislike me la. Haha.

Please shoo the Carrot away. Or bring the Carrot back. Either one. You can choose. Just don't like tarik-tarik here and there ok? Playing me like a big fool like that. BOU KANG CHOR AH YOU???

I am going to LOOK FORWARD to Seven this Friday. I am hoping to see Eye Candy there. Ben is right, you never try you never know. Aih. (But you know I'm not gonna try anyway right. And you know why.)

WHATEVER. SEVEN. GO! GO!
Sunday, May 11, 2008

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11:26 PM
WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT
Persons under 18 years of age (Oh wait, nowadays that's kinda inapplicable), okay okay. Persons whose mentality does not accept that sex is a natural human process/desire/whatever, please DO NOT read on.

Yes! My sex drive is back! Forgive me for being delighted over something so totally unimportant. But wait, it is! Okay, I was freaked out. My stress levels were way over the top, and the last few sex events were, well, disappointing, not to mention unsuccessful and tedious. Let's just say I wasn't even close. What's more, I realised that I haven't had any sexual thoughts or urges for a VERY long time. Usually, I never have a problem. So of course I got scared right! A friend actually suggested toys and lubes, but I'm not comfortable with the idea of 'foreign' products coming into contact with my privates. What was wrong with me? But what can I say, IT'S BACK! So I'm normal again. Whee =)

Anyway, as I said, I'm so stressed out to the point that my break outs are freaking unbelievable. I'm talking big, pus-filled boils here, and they're being stubborn and not going away. What's the deal man? I am a pizza-face now.

I'm not recovering as fast as I would like to, well, actually, I don't think I'm recovering at all. I just try not to think about it most of the time. At least the calls have stopped. Haha, actually all communication has ceased. We are both currently non-existent to each other. What was I thinking? I was trying to live out some fantasy, which I knew was impossible, but I still attempted to live it out anyway! Oh my God girl, where are your brains? Must be in your ass. And because of all this, I hate myself and I hate, erm, let's give the name Carrot. Yes, I hate Carrot.

Babe, you don't know how lucky you are. Having someone to love you, whom you love back of course, even if it's so many miles away. I envy you two. At least you guys are giving it a go, even if it's hard, and annoying at times lol. And omg, there really is no one here. Not that I have time la, but still! Some eye candy will be good right! Actually, there are a few la HAHAHA. There's actually one I'm eye-ing, but just eye-ing only! Nothing more. By the way, Vodka called me out a few times, just as a friendly thing la, to his place to chill with his friends and stuff. Well, at least he's more smooth than the Bear la! Bear still messages me, but less now, coz that day (dunno if Ying told you), I kinda answered him in a pissy way HAHAHA! I was so tired and stressed, and I just finished my assignment okay! Still wanna kacau me again, forcing me to go out with him when I already told him I had to go to Uni the next day. Lol, so since then, he messages me alot less now. By the way, you and my bro were right about BigEx, he's still interested in me. Damn, you guys suck wei. Oh oh! And, well I've been talking alot to Ben. No not the Cheong, yes yes THAT Ben. It's quite weird actually. Let's just say that although I know karma is a bitch, sometimes it's just so sweet. But I think he's alot worse off than I am. He really sounds like a sad puppy wei. He's coming back to Melbourne by the way. Well, not much else has been happening in my boring life. What about yours? I miss you babe.

I am actually looking forward to making those gingerbread cookies and cornflake cookies tomorrow.

Why am I acting so free when I'm actually not? Screw it, I still stand by the fact that I NEED a holiday, and the condition of my face tells me so. I am so wanting to take that Eurotrip with Sarah, but if I do, that'll mean I can't start working straight away after graduation. That means what? Bumming in KL for another 6 months to a year? DAMN.

Week 9 is when the devil comes back from a holiday, and Hell decides to have a party. A party that lasts aaaaalll the way till the 18th of June.

Till then, throw me more plasters mate! Coz it's still bleeding...
Wednesday, April 23, 2008

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6:38 PM
Lord help me please.

Since I've come back to Melbourne, I've been having the time of my life partying hard every week, since the bestie is always (liar) leaving, but manages to magically extend her flight, causing us to have a wasted weekend, just for fun. (She finds it entertaining.) I've been having tonnes of fun, meeting new people, seeing old faces, and of course, the occasional naughtiness.

And so all this while I'd like to think that I'm making great progress at forgetting.

And all it took was one picture. ONE. And I could feel myself literally crashing down. Right here in this seat, looking at this same screen, just 3 minutes ago. Just that one picture, and everything not only came back strong again, but the last and most dreaded thing that I thought I could and should handle well, given the circumstances, was staring me straight in the face.

So Lord help me dry the tears, take the pain away, and never ever let it come back again. Please. I don't want to be reminded. At all. Anymore. Just please do this one last thing for me.

Move over Vel. There's no place for you. You saw it coming. And you still stepped into it. You're an idiot.
Saturday, March 29, 2008

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12:30 AM
It sucks being lonely. Getting stuck in between two of your coupled friends in the cinema ain't funny man. Lucky for me the movie was quite entertaining, as entertaining as a blind, old man going "wu-wu-weh-wa-shi-ha-weh". Well, being single has its perks, I suppose. There's no one to tell me what to do or restrict me from doing anything, going anywhere, and no one to answer to. Plus, you can flirt all you want. I really should try to adopt the no-strings-attached way of life. Previously, I have found it pretty difficult, and never understood how people can bring themselves to do it. But they do! And with ease! I should start my training and catch up. I'm the one who's living in 10,000 BC. But I'm not getting any younger so if I don't start now, I'm never gonna get a chance to. But man, I was looking for something serious. But I should just accept that I am never gonna get what I want. Not in this field anyway. So let's just throw the 'serious' out the window and have some fun, eh? After all, I only turn 21 once. And at the rate I'm going, no one's gonna date me seriously anyway HAHA. So, fuck it la.

They say you always learn from your mistakes, as to not repeat them. So if you've gotten your heart broken in the past, chances are you're highly unlikely to experience it again. Even if you do, there would probably be a really big time gap in between them. I'm just the fckin' idiot, that can't wait to die, AGAIN. I was like, "Eh! I'm so proud of myself man I stood up again!", chibai. Now it's like, "Wtf, do this to yourself again, nothing better to do is it?" You know what I need? I need a guy who knows how to love me and give me what I need and want, and at the same time know how to handle me and work his way to get what he wants. A guy with subtle dominance, who can tame me, yet know when to submit to me. Lol, now I just sound like an animal. But in the case that this said guy ever shows up, "HEY, I'M OVER HERE!"

I think it is safe to say that the only man that loves me unconditionally is my father. I think it is also true that some daughters (including myself) set their potential boyfriend candidate standards in accordance to their father's. I think daddy sees it the same way. He'd rather support me my whole adult life than let me marry a man who will never make me happy. Then again, I guess he's just being daddy-like.

I need to be drained of love so I can fall out of it. The weekend is here. People are asking me out. I should go, no? Yes, yes, I should. Because as far as I'm concerned, I'm not breaking any rules, crossing any lines, and most importantly, I'm not obligated to anyone. I'm almost done waiting for you.
Friday, March 7, 2008

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12:49 AM
So now I can finally say, I've been to Beijing and back. It is a wonderful city, and although since the open trade it has been greatly influenced by the western world, there is also a vast majority of you-can't-get-more-original-than-this Chinese culture for one to taste. And yes, I am talking about the one and only Chinese culture from China. "How vast?", you may ask. Picture this. I only went to Beijing. That's just one city holding a fraction of the 1.3 billion people that the entire country harvests. And this is the capital of China. Imagine all the other major cities, the smaller cities, the villages, and so on and so forth, and all that the remaining population has got to throw at you. By the time your done with China, you'll be like George Bush turned into Jet Li or some shit. Your eyes will look like two lines on your face.

And on to KL. Nothing beats home, really. Old faces, new bonds. It was fan-fucking-tastic. As fantastic as the Har Meen at Yong Len and ikan bakar and a damn Ramlee burger! And the oh-so-lovely Chinese New Year back home! With family! What more can I say, huh? You jump back into the pool that you grew up in, that made and shape you in your younger years. After such a long time...It's such a wonder how people have changed after all these years. I suddenly felt like I was in school again, with the same bunch of people, just having the time of our lives. And now I'm missing with a capital M.

My summer is ending too soon. Ah, procrastinator! I know, I know, responsibilities. Tonnes of things to think about and do, but so little time. Not to mention suddenly I don't feel so happy coming back to Melbourne anymore. Oh well, just make the best of it. Oh YEA BABY I'M LIVIN' IT FREE! And dying kao hard, but ah who cares!

The only things I'm thankful for here is fast internet and efficient services. Yeah I'm dead serious. And maybe the cold weather NOW (oh but not the past few days when I can feel my pores literally opening at 34 degrees). And hohoho my bed, my hamsem bed. Can you feel it? When I'm sinking into it, softness all around...oh I bet you feel it. I bet you want it too you mofo, go and die. And of course, the PS3. It does wonders, and I love Sony, for all the smart techies they hire(pay) to create such technology to impress(manipulate) consumers(suckers) like me into buying their products. Oh, but I will indulge in it all I want, and I don't care how big a sucker I become. Because it's oh so worth it. And I just realised I started this paragraph with "The only things I'm thankful for...", and then went on and on. Hey I'm typing impromptu okay!

And I'll live everyday like I'm 18 ~ , Coz I don't wanna grow old.
Thursday, February 21, 2008

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10:04 PM
Sometimes when you think that the things people say won't affect you, they just go ahead and say something, and it just gets you right there. Yeap. It hurts.

Who knew? After so long.

Heroes has got to be the best series I have ever watched. The BEST.

I am going to have a good Christmas, a good new year, and a good Chinese New Year.

And hopefully, the start of my depressing 2008 may leave me with a positive outlook on the days to follow.
Thursday, November 29, 2007

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7:19 PM

Thursday, November 1, 2007

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12:20 AM
What a way to start my Monday morning. Some people's faces are just so...and sometimes my luck is just so...to run into them.

The Melbourne GPO model is pretty.
The Melbourne Central model has gorgeous legs.
The Kookai model is just plain hot.

As far as I'm concerned, I am at the crossroads once again. I just told mummy I'd rather have Tobey's life. Not so much to think, you know?

Isn't this just indirect failure?

I'd like to own a Beagle someday. Beagles have ears. I have ears too =)

So little time, so little time.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007

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10:45 AM
I have a splitting headache. I've been grumpy the whole weekend. I need to take a dump (finally). I'm moving in this Weds. Mummy is coming this Weds. I haven't the slightest clue why Freud thinks everything's gotta do with sex. I am still over 50 kg, and hating it. I need a haircut.

Other than that, my week's been quite usual, sleeping/eating/lazing/sleeping somemore, and the occasional ass-biting or two. Yes, my life consists of these habits, and if I'm lucky I get to feed a pet rabbit who says 'leppit' and looks like a two-dimensional unfinished drawing where the artist got lazy. Oh but I'm sure there's gotta be more to life than this.

And who says entertainment has to be legal? Teehee.
Monday, August 27, 2007

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2:02 AM
Yes, I am finally blogging. After quite some time. I have finally conformed to blogger blogging standards because I have become lazy to design my own layouts. I don't really have time anymore. So I have adopted the ever-so-common blogger/blogspot habit, and hopefully, shall try to update whenever possible. Chose this layout for its simplicity. Hate too many pictures or columns here there everywhere. If I do decide to design my own layout again, I might move back to previous host, as it is alot easier there in terms of managing files. YES, I still think blogger is a pain in the butt! I guess having made things more convenient for us, there is some sacrifice in freedom of choice. Smart fuckers also. Make life easy for themselves. Lucky Blogger is a free service.

My eye sty is back, again. Because of my lazy ass who went to bed and did not remove my lenses. Urgh, now I'm walking around with the feeling that something is in my eye.

Yes Jess, I've moved to Blogger (yay! or not?), and omg your so sad, HAHAHAH nevermind I happy for you also since you successfully managed to place a tagboard on your site without making it look like anything is misaligned. It's perfecto :) . I can imagine Ying LOL. I read her tag post! KESIANNYA.

Today in Philosophy class, as I was learning the more complex stuff of QL, in my head my jaw kept dropping (even though I didn't actually do that), because OMG, like really OMG. Philosophers really have alot of time. I could just imagine Ying sitting next to me in class, and everytime the teacher taught this really complex thingie in QL language, her face turning to me with that look and her jaw dropped. Million dollar face. HAHAHAHHAHAA. And the fact that she just gives that look without saying anything LOL! ("Omg! It's like, omg lor. Really! Vel WTF man?!") <-- All that just by the look of her face. Jess ah, I think Jess just put her face in the book and sleep. Oh no, it's late! Too late for me to go to bed and wake up in time for my class tomorrow! How sad. Hopefully, missing a week of Lit won't kill. (Shit, it's not just a week...)
Baby is snoring.
Thursday, August 16, 2007

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